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1/31/2019

Self Love is not selfish

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PUBLISHED:
​https://thriveglobal.com/stories/self-love-is-not-selfish/

​By: Sue Sexton, MA Licensed Psychologist
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
If I could count on my hands how many times I was directly and indirectly called “selfish” for taking care of my needs first while growing up, I’d likely look akin to a group of jelly fish with tentacles all in motion in the great wide ocean!
We live in a society and culture that values women’s care-taking abilities.  It has created a pattern of co-dependency and enmeshment that is making us exhausted (a whole new level of tired), resentful, and feeling stuck in our lives.   When our focus is constantly on how to meet everyone else’s needs, we end up too tired to tend to our own needs at 10:00 pm.   Let’s face it: it was supposed to be bedtime an hour ago (that’s how exhausted we feel).  
Then we end up creating and watching funny videos of mom’s who, with who knows what extra time they had and where they got it from, viewing their children as burdens.   And we laugh because we feel “got” in that moment: “I see you girl”. Memorizing sayings like “the days are loooooong, but the years are short”, to help us feel okay about that extra glass of wine we have tonight (in our “Go to Bed Already: It’s Wine Time” glass, no less).   I understand, I used to be one of those moms.  Trust me, I understand.
If you fit this description, I have news for you.  There is a WAY OUT of this pattern, through remembering SELF LOVE. You just forgot it along the way, between birth, puberty, that quarter-life crisis, and maybe even a mid-life crisis. Heck, it’s never too late!
Yes, you likely guessed it: I’m a bit of a hippie at heart.  But I also went through a MAJOR Life Change before I realized SELF LOVE was so important.   I hope this gentle push can help you prevent an affair and divorce when you’re 9-month pregnant (I know – can we say HOT MESS?).  So take this hippie to heart, you’ll be glad you did.
What is Self Love?   How is it NOT Selfish to take care of myself?  
  1. LOVE is our birth right:   We are all born love and loved.   When a baby arrives, it has a clean slate (outside of karma and your messed-up genetics, but that’s for another article altogether).  It is only when the baby’s caregivers begin to think, say, and do unloving things to the baby, that it knows something other than love.  Then if this happens often enough, the baby begins to see itself less than love and feel unlovable.   It is our job to return to our birth right and reclaim SELF LOVE.   This involves learning, exploring, and shedding unwanted life experiences and belief systems.
  2. SELF LOVE is our viewing lens into the world (or not, it’s your choice):  Whether we love ourselves or not, creates how we then view others.  Do an experiment for a few hours or days.  Allow yourself to only use loving words to yourself: compassion, understanding, patience, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, etc.  Notice how you then view others as you see and interact with them: are you more loving to them as well?   Do the same with the opposite of loving words to yourself: judgment, critical, mean, impatient, name calling, and unacceptable.   Then notice how you view others as you see and interact with them: are you more unloving to them as well?   Our quality of life is totally dependent on our filter in which we see the world, but more importantly how we view OURSELVES.  
  3. Reclaim SELF LOVE: just because you’ve had people tell you, think about you, talk about you, or treat you like you’re selfish when you engage in self-love, please ask yourself if a person who loved themselves would act that way? (I hope you said HELL NO!)   Perhaps they don’t love themselves enough and so they project that onto you too.   Will you repeat this into the next generation or will you STOP the cycle of lacking self-love?   Then be a role model for others on self-care and self-love NOT being synonymous to selfish.
Let’s face is ladies: staying angry, using sarcasm, being proud and disgruntled about your caretaking habits, and remaining in SELF LOVE DEFICIT is only going to hand down the same legacy to the next generation.  
You can instead be a ROLE MODEL of remembering SELF LOVE:
  1.  Begin talking kindlier to yourself. 
  2. Begin taking action towards exploring what you like, while at the same time learning what you don’t like.  They go hand in hand: there is no such thing as failure. Just learning.
  3. Begin making time in your day for YOU and what you want to do (trust me, you’re worth it and anyone who’s upset just needs to reflect on why they feel that way – it’s not for you to fix).
  4. Begin saying NO to events, relationships, or activities that don’t make you feel LOVED.   
  5. Begin leaning into feelings and experiences that left you feeling less than love, and let them surface and purge (face the emotions).  Emotions come and go.  You can’t avoid them forever (trust me, my divorce taught me that). 
  6. Begin letting go the need to be perfect.   We are all imperfectly beautiful, deserving love for all of who we are.   It is okay to make mistakes.  Heck mistakes are truly just an opportunity to learn lessons and grow in wisdom (and have amusing stories to share later on).
  7. Begin to forgive yourself and others.  Embrace the idea that every one of us are doing our very best each moment of our lives with what we know in that moment of time.   We are all learning different lessons and growing at different paces.  Forgiveness is a gift for you: letting go of anger, hurt, and resentment energy.  Letting go the toxic energy from your mind-body-spirit. 
Girl, jellyfish groups aren’t all they’re cracked up to be!  Reclaim your self love today (It’s been beckoning you since birth to remember).  
Please Join Sue Daily for the 11:11 Peace On Earth Movement, where at 11:11 AM CDT we THINK PEACE for 2-3 minutes across the globe.  Thoughts can include, but are not limited to, images of people holding hands, hugging loved ones, deep sensation of inner peace, feeling of love for all, war ceasing, or all of humanity being at peace.   Feel free to convert your time zone from 11:11 AM CDT to your local time.  Learn more @ www.peaceonearth1111.com .

— Published on January 8, 2019

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11/7/2018

DAILY CIVIC DUTY: THINK PEACE

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Yesterday was a big day.  I witnessed so many of you getting your vote on!   Waking up, excited to participating in making change happen.   Thank you for doing your part, in taking action steps to create change!

I now ask, can we keep this momentum going?   It is in EVERY day that you can be the change.  For a moment, I want you to place yourself at a large event: a crowd of some sort.   Perhaps it was a concert, sporting event, rally, or a race of some kind.   The energy is palpable when you are surrounded by that many people THINKING about the same thing.  Cheering.  Applauding.  Singing.   You can feel it deeply within your body.  Many are moved to tears or can experience intense support for a cause.   This is the same energy we felt yesterday at the polls.   It is the same energy I am asking you to bring daily to THINK PEACE.

When we join to think of an idea, like "I am going to vote today", you then use words to tell others and take action steps to actually vote.   Many of you waited in lines for 30-90 minutes, to take this action step.   Because you believe in it.  

Everything begins with a thought.  So when we join daily to THINK PEACE, it then forms into words and actions.   You will feel it yourself first.   Then as more people join, even if you don't physically see them, we become the same force of energy we experience at an concert, sporting event, or rally.   Across the globe, our energy unites for PEACE.

I now come to you, to ask:  Will you show up daily at 11:11 AM CDT to THINK PEACE?  Will you take this action step daily, as a Civic Duty, to be the change in the world?   In a world that needs much change, I sure hope we can begin with simple daily thoughts and watch it spread into words and actions.   Think Peace!   Thanks for being ONE of the 1 Billion across the globe to co-create Peace.

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10/13/2018

focus on THE OUTCOME YOU WANT TO CREATE

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FOCUS ON THE OUTCOME YOU WANT TO CREATE

Written By: Sue Sexton MA Licensed Psychologist
Thoughts Matter because Matter is Created from Thoughts.  In simpler terms, everything begins with a thought.  It's that energy that forms into words that are spoken, actions that are taken, habits that are formed which develops into your character or sense of identity, which in the long run creates your FUTURE LIFE.   So, you might wonder WHY this matters for you?
I personally witness in humanity that people THINK pretty negatively.  In addition, there is a lot of hardship in our day to day world.   People are hurting each other.   When we witness these horrible acts unfolding, it's easy to become activated into emotion and desire to take action.   This is where it's important to CHOOSE your THOUGHTS, first and foremost.   Because your thoughts pave the next steps for your journey ahead.
In fact, many of our current activism efforts are focusing thoughts on entirely the wrong things!   Yikes, right?  
As Dr. Wayne Dyer clearly stated "Where our thoughts go, our energy flows".  So, as an example, while having good intentions, groups that fight for "gun violence, school shootings, or misogyny" to STOP, they may actually be creating MORE of exactly what they don't want.  Double Yikes, right?   
Why is this?   Well, the energy we put into our thoughts and words, reverberates into a CREATION energy.   We create what we think.   So if we say "no more gun violence", the universe unfortunately doesn't hear the "no" part and instead processes "more gun violence".   Triple Yikes!   The universe does not respond to negatives.   If you think over and over "please don't die" to your elderly grandparent, they are actually more likely to die than if you thought "please live".  
Within humanity, we have to be careful of our words.  Positive words matter.  Focusing on WHAT YOU WANT TO CREATE vs. what you don't want to create, matters.   Thoughts matter because matter is created from thoughts.   Choose wisely.  

​Sue Sexton
Licensed Psychologist (MA), Writer, Top Wellness Public Speaker & Workshop Facilitator at Sue Sexton Psychotherapy LLC: Speaking Heart to Heart
A  Saint Paul, MN
P  651-246-3372 
E  suemsexton@gmail.com 
W  www.peaceonearth1111.com 
Creator of 11:11 Peace On Earth Movement
Curator of humanitarian projects Water Bottle Challenge & Arts Heal Hearts

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." - Helen Keller.
      

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10/12/2018

HEAL Documentary Research

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TOOLS TO HEAL
HEAL DOCUMENTARY RESEARCH:
By: Kelly Noonan Gores
http://www.healdocumentary.com/
​
Change is a delicate process.  It's like the seasons that unfold around us, each having its own unique story and process.   Depending on where you live, your experiences in life, and what's been modeled for you; your seasons will be incredibly different from another person's seasons.   
What doesn't vary so much, are the options that all humans can use to HEAL their story.

I watched the documentary HEAL a few months ago and was moved by the research performed and how each human chose between 100's of healing modalities, there were overlapping modalities that really supported each participant more than the others.  Here is the list they formed:
* Radically Changing your Diet 
(Eliminate Processed Foods.  Eat Whole, Organic, Raw Foods as often as possible)
* Taking Control of your Health
(Get in touch with your body, listen, and take informed steps towards your own health)
* Following your Intuition
(Listen to what "feels" right.  Learning to listen to that inner voice that we all have. That "gut" feeling when you know something's right or off: It's Intuition)
* Using Herbs and Supplements
(Think outside the pharmaceutical box.  Consult with an herbalist or holistic doctor to heal your body.  Plants have been used for centuries to cure illness and support well-being.  Explore this lost wisdom.)
* Releasing Suppressed Emotions
(Psychotherapy & movement is legit.  Truth is, our body keeps the score.  Every stress you've felt both physically and emotionally, is still in your cellular memory.  Release this through talking and movement.)
* Increasing Positive Emotions
​(The more we allow positive emotions to flood our body, mind, and soul, we decrease stress hormone levels.  Lower stress hormones means less inflammation in our body.  Less inflammation leads to less autoimmune responsiveness.  Which means you are healthier holistically.)
* Embracing Social Support
(We need other humans.  We are born with the desire and need to connect.  Its part of our basic biological make up.  When we accept help, our levels of stress decrease and happiness increase.)
* Deepening your Spiritual Connection
(Finding a method that allows you to tap into a higher source or connection with spirit.  This can take many forms: there is no right or wrong.  It's remembering we all come from something larger than us, and we can lean on this source for support, through prayer or meditation, in time of need)
* Have a Strong Reason for Living
(Wanting to live is important.  What is your purpose and reason for getting up in the morning.  What gives your life meaning, joy, connection, and worth.  If you don't know, please begin to explore potential options)

It's important to find a combination of helpful options for yourself.​
​
(Disclaimer: I am not a Medical Doctor and do not have training to offer medical advice.  I am trained as a Psychologist and am Licensed to offer support and treatment for Emotional Health Conditions.   Please seek out face to face consultation and treatment with a medical professional or team, who can follow your holistic well-being.   Thank you.)

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    Hello!  Sue here, ready to share a little more of what I know with the World at Large.
    A little bit about me:
    I am a Licensed Psychologist (Masters of Arts Level).  I've been licensed since 2008, and graduated from Grad School in 2005.
    I worked in mental health clinics since 2005, gaining experience, supervision, and wisdom.   I've worked one-on-one with over a thousand clients, ranging from 2 year olds to 80 year olds.  I have training as an Intuitive & Energy Medicine Therapist , Past-Life Regression Therapist, Experiential Play Therapist, Psychodynamic Therapist, Art & Metaphor Therapist, Dialectical Behavior Therapist (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, & more fancy modalities.  I am also adept at learning from the "school of hard knocks" in this lifetime (perhaps my best teacher).  I opened my Private Psychotherapy Practice in 2010, shortly after my oldest son was born.   I worked Full-Time in my Practice until 2018.   It was serendipitous that I opened my practice at this time because my oldest son came in with an experience as a Non-Verbal Autistic Child (& Epilepsy).   With his different needs, my schedule flexibility really supported my ability to transport and support his early childhood services (which were many hours per week).   He's been one of my biggest teachers in this lifetime.   
    On a personal level, I live in my heart.  However, it took me about 38 years to figure out how to do that fully.   During those 38 years, I experienced A LOT of messed up human experiences, that eventually erupted in 2015 when my husband moved out 2 weeks before our second son was due.   At 9-month pregnant, I had a choice to live and work through the unbearable pain or die (yes, I contemplated suicide).  I chose to live and am thankful that I did.   I was incredibly scared, sad, mad, and felt like my life was spinning out of control right before my eyes.   This was when a chapter opened in my life, that I unknowingly started walking down the path of spirituality.   Prior to this, my understanding of spirituality was tied to the Catholic Church and my belief systems involved dislike of the shame, guilt, pedophile activity, and judgment witnessed as a child.   So spirituality was a tough topic for me and I didn't know anything other than what I was taught, so I claimed myself to be a "recovering Catholic" without any practices, connection, or implementation of spirituality in my life at this point in my journey.   That was about to change.
    For the next 3.5 years, I engaged in the pursuit of the "meaning of life" and "the answers to how my life became so F*CKED up".   I had NO CLUE what lie ahead.
    I am at a point in my journey that I am ready to begin sharing.   I have always had a deep desire to help people thrive, learn, grow, and overcome life's challenges.   So, perhaps a thing or two, or three, or hundreds will resonate with you, and be exactly what you're needing at this point in your journey.   ALL available to you for FREE. Thanks for joining me as we navigate LIFE and learn practical ways to CREATE the LIFE of your DREAMS. 
    Cheers, Namaste, and Aho.

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| Licensed Psychologist | Top Mental Health Speaker |  Writer | Workshop Facilitator |  Humanitarian: Creator of 11:11 Peace On Earth Movement & Water Bottle Challenge |    


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  • WELCOME
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